She asked me, “is your trip for business or pleasure?” I looked up from my book, and thought for a second. “Well first it will be for pleasure, but then it’s actually a goodbye.”

She looked at me puzzled, and I continued, “I’ve been seeing this guy, and we are ending things this weekend.  Going out the same way it began, on a weekend away”.  It was refreshing to have a say in the terms of a thing.

Now I had her at attention.  I mean who plans a break-up, and then travels for a weekend getaway to do so?  Well, me, but it wasn’t really so much a break up, as it was an actual ending.  As in, not to happen ever again.  We even named it the “grand finale” which quickly turned in to “grand salami” for obvious reasons.

This whole thing started a few months prior, on a fun weekend away.  We ran in to each other, actually almost literally, and instantly were entangled in quite the romance.  One of those, “holy shit is this how it’s supposed to feel? Or does it only feel this way because there is no real life involved?!”  Either way it was like our souls had planned this little excursion, and giggled as we tried to figure it out.  I do believe that interactions between people often come down to a chemical level, this was my ‘case-in-point’.

What was supposed to be a fun time over a weekend where no real-life existed, came to a close and left us feeling unfinished.  We knew each other more than some had ever gotten to know us, especially not in the time we had, it was crazy the way his soul resonated with mine.  We didn’t make it two days before needing to know we were both feeling the same way.  And we were.  We missed the shit out of each other.  Neither of us was in a place to be more than we had been, but we also equally could not let go.  Not just yet anyway.  So we decided to stay in touch, see each other here and there, talking regularly, sharing life.  Still not totally ‘real-life’ but it was something.  We couldn’t deny what we felt.  It was an exciting and freeing couple of months of excursions and good times.  I was and still am grateful for the experience.

As life is though, not always what we want it to be, it eventually intruded and made it clear, that even if we didn’t want it to end, it needed to.  And as adults who care for each other, we decided to see it through.  We weren’t going to make it miserable ( as most do), in fact we decided our experience should be celebrated.  So there I was flying to seal the whole damn with a kiss (trying to keep it PG here people!).  Honoring each other and what we had, and having fun like we did best.  The weekend stood still, in a way that only happens when you are really present.  Laughing, and dancing, and eating, and well, you know… before we realized it, it was our last night.  We both became quiet, not in a “I don’t know what to say” kind of way, more like we both just got it.  Feeling the exact same way, wishing we could run away, or split our lives some how.  Our reality met its end.

The next morning came and as I looked out over the ocean, he asked me “how are you feeling?  I hate this, I don’t want today to be here.”  As his phone rang, and he jumped up to get it, a tear ran down my cheek, Mumford and Sons Thompson Square Park came on and I muttered, “perfect timing” with a smile on my face.  Lyrics couldn’t have suited us more (link and lyrics below so you get it.)  It was as if the whole world knew this was hard enough, and granted us a peace from having to express ourselves about it.

We said goodbye in a parking lot outside the airport.  I gave him a quick smooch and said “be well.  Do better in life, be the man I see in you”.  I jumped out of the truck, and didn’t look back, like it had all just been for kicks.

I often think of him, and how I fell in love with that experience.  The freedom of it, the beauty of it.  I send him some love, out in to the world, smiling at the flash of memories, and then I let it go.  Like a balloon to the sky, if what I felt was real in any capacity, he gets it, and that is enough for me.

hearts

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Thomkins Square Park

Tompkins Square Park

Oh babe, meet me in Tompkins Square Park
I wanna hold you in the dark
One last time
Just one last time

And oh babe, can you tell what’s on my tongue?
Can you guess that I’ll be gone?
With the twilight
With the twilight

But no flame burns forever, oh no
You and I both know this all too well
And most don’t even last the night
No they don’t, they say they don’t

Oh babe, I’ve never been so lost
I wanna hear you lie
One last time
Just one last time

But oh babe, I really wish you would not cry
I only ever told you one lie
When it could have been a thousand
It might as well have been a thousand

But no flame burns forever, oh no
You and I both know this all too well
And most don’t even last the night
No they don’t, they say they don’t

And we can talk it round again girl
Round and round, round and round again
Or we could leave it out to die
Leave it out just leave it out

I never tried to trick you babe
I just tried to work it out
But I was swallowed up by doubt
If only things were black and white
‘Cause I just want to hold you tight
Without holding back my mind
Without holding back my mind

But no flame burns forever, oh no
You and I both know this all too well
And most don’t even last the night