This is 3 of 3 in this series on my little brother.
So my family moved away, and my brother and I started to get closer. What is that saying… loving from a distance, absence makes the heart grow fonder… whichever. It worked for my brother and I. I was able to be his sister and his friend. I encouraged him to seek life, even in ridiculous college kid ways. He never let on to the pain he was really over coming. About the time he was letting loose in to the world, I was finding mine to grow smaller and smaller. He was meeting new people, and making money, and getting in to life, and mine was becoming the controlled existence of an abused woman, turning into someone that no one recognized, even physically.
Before that, my brother and I spent some quality time together, and I liked him as a human. But as he hid his pain, eventually so did I. It is miraculous we made it through, both living existences not meant to be survived, and neither of us knew the depths of despair the other faced. Mental health is not a joke, but we had never been taught about it existing, let alone how real it was. The previous generations really didn’t acknowledge things like anxiety or depression, so how could we be taught? Yet we endured. He met a beautiful soul in his now wife. She helped him want to be a better man. Their life together had ups and downs, as most young couples do, shoot all couples do, and I encouraged him to take his time. “If she is the girl for you now, she will also be that in 5 years.” And that was the truth. They made it through college and his wild side for a few years, together and then apart for some time too. I know he needed to do that, because I don’t believe a man can be good to one woman, if he ever feels like he missed out on the “younger years.”
They found their way back together, as I was finding my way out of a perilous situation. My brother started to see and understand the hell I hid from everyone and he became a confidant and protector in many ways. Even for real, at times, at a bar he would puff out his chest and intimidate the shit out of any dude trying to look my way. I found it hilarious, of course, but also it bonded us. I protected him as a child, and now he could do the same for me.
Celebrations, deaths, reality, relationships, weddings, and then a baby. We grew closer and stronger with each day, but that baby, man she owns me. I have to be honest that I really didn’t know how I would feel towards her before she was born. I would obviously love her, but how could I love her more than my first baby, my brother. (Of course I had Joseph, and that is an even greater, different kind of love, because he actually is mine.) But, I imagine its like how parent feels when expecting a second child, how will I ever love another baby as much as my first. It was as if I had to split my love toward my brother, for this new little one to have some, and I didn’t see how it was possible. Well, I am here to tell you that when it comes to that little girl…. she rules me. Of course I love my brother dearly, he’s like half of my being, but when she came along my love abounded for all three of them.
He has grown in to an awesome man. He works hard for his family. He is Faithful and very involved in his church. He is a mentor. He is an awesome husband and a really spectacular father. He is my friend, and there for my son and I whenever we need him.
We share a lot, my brother and I. We connect on a very different level. It’s like we both just know, sometimes without saying a word at all. We can talk about anything and everything, each others confidant when we need to talk, and advice giver when we need a little direction. We exist on the same page, the stories behind us often painful, but writing each new chapter with realness and joy. We are proud of each other, we believe in each other, and honestly if it meant our relationship could be the slightest bit less or different, I would not change one single thing we have been through. What we have now is the kind of bond siblings don’t always get to have. We are blessed, and I am super grateful.
LP, aka PO – I love you man, lots and lots. I know I wasn’t always the best sister to you, but I promise no matter what I always have your back, will love you forever, like you most of the time hehehe jkjk, and never let anything change how great our relationship is now. Hearts, hugs!
PS: we haven’t taken a picture, just you and I, in entirely too long.