02d88fe37226404bbffe7a61a46b24baLittle back story here…

I was in two seven year relationships back to back, from a young age.  Since then I have dated here and there.  The portion of time between meeting and actually being in a relationship has certainly changed over the years.  It can be fun, but it is also not for the faint of heart, quite often.  And, I think I want to blog about it…. yep, I do.  I am no expert for sure, in fact I have been single for more of my life, than otherwise, but I have experienced and survived some pretty gnarly stuff.  Your opinion on the matter of my status isn’t necessary.  I know all about it, myself anyway… hard to handle?  You have no idea.

Now, certainly there is no time for a long ass post containing all of the good, bad, and holy shit – did that really happen, so I am just going to add a category (drop down) to my home page and add to it as we go.

**Remember names have been changed to protect the innocent, or the guilty… you can decide for yourself.  Also if you have a story you’d like to share, let a gal know!  I would love to hear it, and share!**

One last thing before my first (short) story, I am a straight woman, as such, I am writing from that perspective.  This is not to say I can’t or won’t write about anyone else’s experience or point of view… just starting with what I know, first hand.

Between my girlfriends and I, I am certain we have heard and, or experienced it all when it comes to dating.  So why yes, we are experts in the matter!  Of course there are always 3 sides to every story, however I am sure just about anyone who has dated as an adult, can commiserate on some of the absurdity that exists in the dating world these days.

Number 1. (picked at random, we gotta start somewhere!)

So there I was, fresh out of a long term relationship, recovering, finding myself, healing.  Never having really dated, at least as an adult, I was convinced by a friend, that I should try this new online dating thing.  (Way before Tinder or Bumble, just to date stamp it for ya.)  So after I got the swing of things, like the emailing, chatting etc. (get your mind outta the gutter, yes I know pot/kettle) I decided to go on a few dates.

I went back and forth emailing with, we’ll call him Gary, and we agreed to meet up.  He was nice, my age, seemed like a cool person, had an admirable career, checked lots of good boxes in his profile.  (This is all before realizing people lie on those things. A lot!)  So, we get to the restaurant and immediately I notice he doesn’t quite look like his pictures.  And by quite, I mean, at all.

Now I would like to insert here that I am not that shallow of a person, in fact some of you could look in to my past and say… “nope, she’s telling the truth on this one”,  but I do have two points here.  One is you can’t start anything on a lie… it’s not like we are never going to meet!  And two, I will be the first to admit that there does have to be some attraction, regardless of what others think.  Of course at this point in my life, I was re-learning if you will, what I did like… so moving on.

Back to errrr ummm, Gary! – after recognizing I did not recognize him by his profile pictures, which I figured it wasn’t a good way to start, but I would stay and see how it went.  So we grab a beverage at the bar and he starts in about some really bizarre stuff.  I am talking, “I shaved my cat so he could be stealthier”, kind of strange.  Or maybe that is totally normal, and I have just never encountered a topic like this…benefit of the doubt?!

Our table is ready, providing me some relief from his odd life, and he orders an appetizer…

Wait for it… as the waitress confirms which one he wants…

The man, takes out his teeth.  Like all of the front ones… and then proceeds with the conversation.

Blink, blink. Blink.

I could not believe what I was seeing.  And neither could the waitress.  She gave me an uneasy, grossed out half smile and just walked away mid-sentance.  Let me recap: we just met, at a fairly fancy restaurant and as he ordered the appetizer he just pops out his dentures and lays them right on the table.

I was sure I was getting punked by my friends.  Is this real life?

Again I would like to insert, this isn’t being shallow or negative, lots of people have them.  Shit half of fake teeth these days, look better than the real deal, but is it really the best etiquette to spit them out, on a first date, place them on the table and just keep talking like you didn’t just. spit. your. teeth. out?!

I guess he could tell by my face, which I would like to point out normally needs some deliverance in a situation like this, that I was feeling awkward.  He then begins to tell me the story of how he lost them, a few years ago, in an accident involving stealthy the cat.

More blinking… but this time mostly because it was hard to decipher between she’s sweet and these thwee.  I am still not sure how he lost his teeth to be completely honest.  I think I was too distracted by his teeth.  And forgive me for this, but all I was thinking was, “you want the truth?”,  “YOU CAN”T HANDLE THE TOOTH!”  I know, I am going to hell!

Face palm. Real life y’all.

T