Why am I awake?! I could list 17 things just off the top of my head…. but it’s what’s happening inside my head (and my gut) that’s the problem. Middle of the night anxiety is the worst. I wake up in a heart pounding panic and follow a multitude of steps to try and regain my control, depending on anything that will help get me back to sleep. Nothing works some nights… like tonight, and I’m left in desperation for my much needed rest.  Mental health is exponentially worse with exhaustion, and this week has been a doozy.  So perfect time to be on team no sleep ::side eye:: ugh!

Dear brain,

I love you, we are safe, there is no need to do this. Now is not the time for every irrational worst case scenario, rehashing, overthinking, fear, list of to-do’s, how to excel, worry.  Now is the time for rest. I beg you… please let me get some sleep.

Brain: Nah, hey remember that one time….

Me: whhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyya 

Brain: when you…

Me: NO

Brain: let’s talk about work then

Me: sobs and then reaches for a Xanax…

25 minutes later, brain is still going.

Brain: hey. Hey. Hey!!!!!!

Me: deep sigh… what now

Brain: just making sure you’re still awake!

Brain: blog about it…

Me: NO! Ok fine. But then sleep!

10 minutes later

Brain: hey the blog sucks… you should just draft it.

Me: Hey brain… I hate you, we are going to sleep. Now!

Brain: nah let’s wait til about a half hour before you get up and then you’ll really feel like shit.

So fair warning if y’all see me tomorrow… yes I watched 50 shades… of dark circles forming under my eyes!