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Admittedly, I have mindlessly listened to this song by Darius Rucker at least one hundred times.  But, it came on while I was in the shower the other day and it struck a nerve.  Maybe because I feel a lack of real, deep, authentic connection in most relationships, but also because it poses a huge question about all of our interactions, and who we are on a fundamental level.

What if I told you about my little nothing town
The two room house where I came from
The man that I got my name from
I don’t even know where he is now

What if I told you sometimes I lose my faith
I wonder why someone like you would even talk to me
What if I told you there is no fixing me
Cause everybody has already tried

Would you stay?
Would you leave?
I could wait
It’ll all come out eventually

If I told you all the stupid things I’ve done
I’ve blamed on being young
But I was old enough to know I know
If I told you the mess that I can be
When there’s no one there to see
Could you look the other way?
Could you love me anyway?

What if I told you I don’t plan on staying here
My dreams are a million miles away
And I know your family is gonna want you to stay
You know what I don’t blame ’em

So I’ll say
What I don’t want to
And I’ll just pray
You want what I do

If I told you all the stupid things I’ve done
I’ve blamed on being young
But I was old enough to know I know
If I told you the mess that I can be
When there’s no one there to see
Could you look the other way?
Could you love me anyway?
Aww, could you love me anyway?

So before we go any further here
Let a week turn into another year
There some things you probably don’t wanna hear
But you have to

If I told you sometimes I get jealous
Sometimes I’m half crazy
Would you say the hell with me, the hell with me
If I told you I barely know what love is
But girl if that’s what this is
I don’t want to let it slip away
No, no, no

Could you love me anyway?
Please
Could you love me anyway?

Hear it here. (If you haven’t already.)

This really is a dig deep, how do we all connect, where our authentic and darkest parts actually exist kinda question… will you love me anyway?  And transversely, can I love you back?

Beyond just an “in-love” relationship, this really does apply across all human connections.  We are who we are, at a core level, “when there is no one there to see”. What is for you may not be for me and there may not be any way to describe or explain it.  But can we accept that about each other and share love and grace without condition regardless?

It is a tall order and sounds almost impossible in this day and age.  There is a right-to-know-immediately attitude coupled with the disastrous comparisons to the front people hide behind across social media.  Shout out to everyone who posts puppies, belly-laughing-babies, and piglets just to break up the monotony of bashing and berating one another!  We have access to more knowledge than ever, but a lack of true life wisdom.  We have a million people at the touch of our fingertips but more people feeling alone or lonely than ever before.

So how do we break this cycle?  How do we, after decades of moral evolution, judgmental generations, stereotypical standards and status’s, step out of the box, free ourselves of the thought that we could be unlovable for not meeting some preconceived idea of who we should be?

Do we let people really know us?  Or is the fear of rejection just big enough to make us hide those dark and stormy parts?  I have asked this before, in this post.  Is the risk worth it, and at what cost do we show our truest selves?

I am no expert, but it has to start somewhere.  The only thing that makes sense to me is that it starts within ourselves.  If I am asking someone to see me and know my truths, even the ugly ones, and then accept me, should I not first have that acceptance for myself?

We cannot give what we don’t have, so if we have not learned to accept our own messed up selves, how can we expect anyone else to?  And in return, if we cannot accept parts of ourselves, how do we ever to accept others just as they are?  Don’t the people that we say “I love you” to, deserve at least that?

We can’t.  And yes, they most certainly do.

After we fully accept ourselves, which I would say at my age (38) probably takes somewhere around 300 years… I digress… Jokes aside, it is a constant work in progress, but more and more I accept who I am, just as I am.  Where there is a possibility for growth and change, I am on-board of course.  But mostly I am extending grace to even the not so lovely parts of myself.  I recently wrote about not having much empathy, so I am working on it… but I first have to accept it as it is, as an example.  I told someone today that I constantly feel like I am giving to others, as a mom it is obviously non-stop, but it is often hard to say “no” as well.  However, facing my resentment towards things I am (over) obliged to is forcing me to take the cape off and get to the root of these overwhelming feelings.  We have to face our truths, even if we don’t like them, and then start learning to accept.  I will not say it is easy, nor will I say there is an all-inclusive way to get there, God knows there are a million more ways to mess this deal up than there are to getting to this level of acceptance!

But then, only then can we start to accept others in all of their varieties too.  Where we are from, how we were raised, our Faith, jobs, parenting, relationships, history, decisions, health, wealth, beliefs, the messes we have made, and the scars we own, wrap it all up and put a big bow on it… this is me, you, us.  None better or worse, but human.

The line above “Would you stay?  Would you leave?  I could wait, It’ll all come out eventually”  described how I have felt about love and relationships all my life.  When you finally let someone in, and they learn you… will they stay or go…. I was always waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop.  My last relationship broke this wide open for me.  Owning who I am and promising I would never ever again omit parts of myself for someone else.  Not EVER.  (A lesson I will fully post about another day.)  What I learned is that people will come and go, by choice or force and what we are left with from birth to death, is exactly who we are.

We better work on being happy with that.

So, ask first, can you love you? Then, can you love another?

I am a WIP,  but sending out lots of love and acceptance!

xx

T

 

 


WIP = work in progress, not (whip) the troublemaker on the Hill, HOC reference.

If you have to ask about HOC, google the Underwoods!  Just finished and I am very pleased with Claire! BAB!