I am a gal with quite a few best friends. Lucky me. No, grateful me. But there is one of them that withstood the test of everything awful in my life and arrived with me at the gates of recovery carrying half of my heart, and likely my mind and body too. She was always there, and I owe her more than I could ever give.
Now, not to take away from anyone else, I will respectively write to all of you too, (hopefully) but she is first. She was my backbone when I could no longer stand, my voice when I could no longer speak. She cried more tears for me than I did myself. And when I stayed, she did too.
You see in an abusive relationship, one of the first stages is alienating everyone who may get in the way of the abuser’s path. So, one by one my friends were plucked away. But not her. She never waned, never wavered. When everyone else was walking out, she was holding it all together for me. She bandaged my wounds and helped me up. She saw the absolute worst of it all, and then came and picked up the pieces with me.
We had known each other years and years before, and then we were reunited unexpectedly. It was like the world knew I was going to need her and conspired to make it so. We shared lots of good times, and then I met him… she was wary at first, (should have paid attention to that) but she was also happy I was happy.
I don’t want to dwell on him too much, but her resilience for me, especially when I had none for myself, was quite amazing. She always answered the call. She always bailed me out (she will get the pun). She always had my back, and always showed up. We delighted in the peaceful times, we laughed at the absurd times, and she saved my life many, many times.
I don’t think I could ever convey exactly what she means to me, or how much I owe her, but I know that my life today is partly because of her. She saw in me the way out, but she helped me find it for myself. She soothed my damage and reminded me exactly how much worth I had left. She stood and fought with me when I finally had the strength to do so, and when I fell she didn’t force me up, she instead would sit with me until I could try again. She would then stand right by me, come what may, no question, no doubt, no hesitation.
I know for sure that I was way too much, way too sad, way too needy for anyone to have laid in their lap. But instead, she signed up, battle ready, forging through the dense pain and agony he harnessed my life with.
I will never forget what she did for me, and for my son. I will never forget the endless nights, the marathon of texts and calls, the shelter. She gave more than she had at times. She gave without expectation of return. A true friend. Without fail. Unconditionally.
Not only did she do all of this, but when the dust settled and the chaos calmed, she was also the person that could just go to lunch or the beach, and laugh and joke about all we had been through. She did go through it all with me, every pain, every assault, every damn awful detail. She never told my truths when I was embarrassed, she never told me what I should have done.
She stayed, she listened, she accepted. She loved me when I did not know how to love myself.
And today, years and years later, I am one hundred percent sure we will be the old ladies who stick it out, without fail, through this crazy life and arrive at our end together. Even if the days pass by in too many between our time together, I know I will always remain for her, and she will always endure for me. And, vice versa.
She saw my survival before me, and she gave me the gift of her consistent, constant support and love. She helped put me back together and forever will have some real estate in my heart and soul.
She is my soul sister. I am forever indebted and grateful.
Love you forever.
T – javelin queen