So you fill out the application, knock the interview out of the park, land the job, and you’re feeling like everything is going right. And your first day on the job you hear the, “Welcome! Today starts your 90-day introductory/probationary period into work. Within these first 90 days, you can quit or be fired with no questions asked. Good luck!” insert reality check. Okay self, time to do work, put in the effort, prove your worth. I mean you do want this job right?! BUT, the little part in this time frame that almost everyone forgets is that just like you have something to prove, showing off your awesomeness, skills, talents, quality traits, your new employer/company does too. This welcome statement is a two-way street!
Let’s pretend for a minute that money is not an issue (I know, it’s a stretch). Wouldn’t it be a nice feeling to also feel like you could put the company on the same notice? They did say quit or be fired, right?! So what if you asserted yourself, set out to prove yourself, but in return, you also turn the tables to see if the company is actually a fit for you. Are their standards up to par, do they treat their employees with respect and fairness? Are they the kind of company you want to tie yourself to? Do they compliment you as the newest addition to the team?
Okay, okay so I know the title is about dating… I am getting there!
What if, hang in here with me a minute… we applied this same rule in new relationships. Now I would ask you to assume obviously, that the two people entering into this introductory period are both decent, kind, respectful humans who are ultimately looking for something greater than their lives are separately, alone. Not just a hookup, but something that lasts past Saturday night. Instead of expecting to meet the next love of your life on the first date, what if we allowed a buffer of time where there were no rules or requirements, where two interested people could get to know each other openly. Without obligation, without pressure, without expectation, without the awkward talks or worries of being on the same page. To know that with in the first 90 days, they could be exactly who they are and do what they want, and also decide without question that this other person was or wasn’t a fit for them with zero negative results.
What if you went into a thing knowing that the next three months would be open to what ever experiences you were willing to take and then at the end of the ninety days, you could sit face to face with all your honesty and say “I want this more”, or “actually I don’t”?
I know it seems like a foreign idea, and I can hear all the naysayers already, with every reason under the sun that it wouldn’t work. But what if it could, think about the beauty there, in that freedom. We all deserve the freedom to be exactly who we are and to be loved that way. And, love is infinite, we can certainly give it a little time.
To completely take the pressure off and just let whatever be, be organically. It forces things to take a slower pace, keeping any urge to rush things that may feel pretty awesome, just as they are. It makes you seek the moments daily that feel good, experience them, enjoy them, without the labeling and societal requirements that come with those labels.
In reality, we are not guaranteed anything, not time, not love, not our own lives, why not take the stress out of this part? Why not let it just be good for a little bit? I mean we are allowed a trial period to just about everything in life, why not in love?
To those of you sitting there with a raised eyebrow, I ask you this: “If I promised you the next three months would be filled with fun, joy, love and great experiences, but then it would definitely end, would you still want to participate in the three months?” If you respond with no, this post will make zero sense to you… but thanks for reading anyway.
Maybe I just think outside of the box, maybe I have been single long enough to see how the mad rush always fucks things up. Maybe after last years joke of a relationship I see things differently (lesson learned/dodged bullet/qualified for the matrix). Who knows, maybe it’s a bullshit idea and makes for an easy out for a gal like me. But maybe, baby, instead it is magical genius.
PS – there are no rules here so whether it is 90 days or something other… it’s up to you two.