Hmmm – I don’t know if this is a good question or just annoying. For the most part, my immediate reaction is annoyance. But if I stop and think about it, there could be some depth to it. I guess the assumption that it is not a great place to be is odd to me. I also think as a society there is way too much pressure put on singles to “Find you a man guuuurrrrrl!!” as if I am in some way incomplete without one. The notion that joining my life with someone else’s is suddenly going to make me a better version than I am, as I am, is disappointing. I would say there are more and more individuals opting out, sometimes with purpose, but on average it is still generally the very first thing anyone wants to know about. “So are you seeing anyone?” Why is this so important?
Maybe, on the other hand, it is a good question, like if I could figure out the why then maybe I could work backward to figure out the equation? Another hmmmm.
Now, it should go without saying, love is something to seek. I love love. It is something to desire and work for. It is something beautiful and rare, vulnerable and often fleeting. It is worth dying for. Love is a great gift and absolutely worth it and I am happy for all of those who have found it, even if only for moments in their lives. But, for me, understanding, rather being understood, is slightly more intoxicating. I think someone understanding and accepting me encapsulates love along with it. Love becomes a third, slightly smaller piece of the pie of magical wonder if you will.
With that said, there are obvious reasons to be single. Finding someone who could love me is the easiest of the three. Understanding and accepting me, as I am, really seeing me is a truth many can’t even begin towards.
Also, settling is not an option. It should not be for anyone, but I myself, hold this second chance at life to a much higher standard. I did not get another go just to spend it only halfway in anything.
I could rattle off here all the things that could make me not someone’s cup of tea, starting with being a shot of bourbon instead. I can be stubborn, I am average-ish in the looks department, I have the single mom thing going on – not baiting here, just keeping it really real, seriously – I have been told I am intimidating, sometimes my walls stay up and I can be cold. I suffer from mental health issues which are not always ideal. I do not trust easily. I lead a fairly busy life. Those are some pretty big ones, so you get the argument for the other side. “Yes, yes I see now…” take anyone that suits you for the answer.
But, I feel like with all of that said and while I am totally open to love and even desire it, I am also completely comfortable being alone. I do not believe we are put here to go through life alone but I do think the idea of having someone to do things with isn’t required to be someone you would marry. I spend time with friends, loved ones, lovers, potential partners etc. I want my person without a shadow of a doubt, but I am also my own person one hundred percent of my days.
Maybe it is timing, maybe my guy is coming along, maybe he got hit by a bus. I am single. I am okay with it, and that is enough.
I hope that anyone struggling with being alone can learn that being alone does not mean you have to be lonely.
You are rad, magnificently and uniquely you!
Sending out some love!