I remember, as a little girl, seeing and hearing adults that once said “I love you” to one another scream and fight and say awful things. Whether in shows or real life, even then, I knew it was not right. I felt sad for that love lost. Maybe it is a little (lotta) bit hopeless-romantic of me, but the feeling of holding on to the love part even when things were ending always seemed like the missing piece. That if people could just remember the time when they used love instead of hate towards another, it would be so much more peaceful of an experience. That sentence really could apply to everything in life.
People change, sometimes we grow together and other times we grow apart, but the drama and pain and nastiness does not have to compound the already heartbreaking truth of it ending. Now sure, this is easier said than practiced in some cases. We all have that one, or several, ex’s that know how to push every red button on our control panel sending us into an evil Tasmanian devil spiral, speaking on behalf of a friend of course. But, when there is a break, a loss, an action that ends our time with someone, even when it feels disrespectful and warranting of retaliation, is it not less harm to ourselves and all involved, to simply let go?
I, speaking from my own poor reactions, bad judgments and actions, feeling like I needed to right the wrongs that were done to me, wish I had held on to my thoughts on the matter as a child rather than mimicking the examples I saw. Those scenes programmed into me even though I knew better only caused more pain and embarrassment than the assault against me ever could have. As I always say, “learn better and then do better,” I have attempted to retrain my thinking, to override that poor programming and see/feel any end with as much care as I saw/felt with it’s beginning. Rationalizing that some people don’t love like we do, or that their part of the story is simply a chapter, not the whole damn encyclopedia, or that it really was the Oxytocin and not the end all be all love of a lifetime, whatever the case… is way less heart wrenching than assuming we are not enough, unlovable, or not of any value. What someone does or does not do is about them, not us. So fighting to regain something from someone who couldn’t give it in the first place is futile. Often people are not even honest with themselves about who they are, let alone with us, so what amount of back and forth or name calling could possibly affect the outcome?
It is never easy for sure. Ends are often sad and confusing, painful and filled with anxiety, insecurities, and grief. But, and this is a gigantic BUT – if you can let someone go in love and grace you will surely find your peace and closure sooner. Whether they deserve your kindness or not, your kindness is about you and harboring negativity towards the end will keep you from moving forward and recovering.
As noted above, there are always exceptions to this rule. I have no doubt that some reactions are fully warranted. Also, I have not always been as graceful as I just made it seem in my writing, but it is something I fully believe in and strive for.
Love is not always a forever. Right that in your mind and find gratitude for it when you have it and when you don’t. Let go with grace for those watching, especially the little ones. And, always always keep enough of your love in your own love tank to pull you through when your heart is hurting.
Be love y’all!