My name is not Willy Wonka!
Shout out! Just a hello from me. I have not posted in a while and while I would love to say I have been traveling the globe, or helping orphaned pets, or busy writing a novel... I can't.
The truth is I have been in a yuck place for a bit. Now, before anyone starts to worry... insert how I would react to reading this... I am okay. I know I am okay because I have survived one hundred percent of my days so far, and some of those were pretty fucking horrendous. Of course, that cannot ever be felt, thought or said to invalidate the shit feelings I have had as of late. It is more like a beacon, a base-line if you will, for me to gauge not how bad it could be, or is or is not feeling like the world might collapse, but more the reminder that no matter what, I can survive it. It is the voice in my head reminding me (or at least trying) to be kinder to myself and the feelings I have, the place I am in, and the path I must follow.
I have found myself, per usual, in a position of extending grace to others, offering support and advice, when I myself feel weak. These days, I take note of the words I share with others, however, and I am sure that they are meant for me too.
So, if you find yourself reading this and you are feeling a little, well fill in your own blank there, know that you are not alone. Know that your left brain maybe ruining the whole show for everyone with its pessimism and dramatic over-representation of the facts. Know that is okay to check out, or disconnect, or reconnect (but not with your bad ex... don't "reconnect" if you know what I mean) rest, heal, eat good food, binge watch The Crown in two days... wait we all do that right?! Anywho, it is completely okay to not be your "normal" self when you simply aren't feeling up to it, just try not to take up residence in that other place. Because people do love you and care about you, be one of those people. Give in to what you need if plowing through is too much because we are not meant to just suffer through this beautiful life.
Yes, that was all for me too. I need to listen to the triumphant, yet exhausted gal in my head saying, "Hey babe, you have come a long, long way, you must be tired. Sit here and drink this bourbon tea. Everyone and everything will work out."
Sending out some love to anyone who needs it, and right back to those who shine their light on me when I feel like mine is dimming. I love you madly.
XX - T
P.S. I was perusing for inspiration this evening - enjoy.