Our tender hearts; a design in the flaws

Aren't they just real badasses?! I mean, how our hearts can be so broken and still learn to love, more.

Sometimes my heart hurts, inexplicably.  In my happy, content little life I have created, I randomly feel this giant pull in my chest.  Maybe for the past, or in empathy, or just because.  There was a time it could absolutely derail me.  Right in the middle of life, just send me into a tailspin, rip me right down.  And then, as if that sadness wasn't enough, I would splash on a little guilt for feeling sad when I should only feel blessed and lucky for my survival.  Always extremely hard on myself.  What a vicious cycle it was.

Now, there is a tenderness in my mind for my heart and my soul and ALL of the range of feels.  I am even proud of how far I have come, from always numb and cold, to having the ability to be (somewhat) emotional again.  To let this loving heart of mine lead me (sometimes).  The trick that I learned, was to lean into those feelings, the good and bad, anxious and excited, loved and disappointed.  In the leaning, I learned that I could take my time, map out some of those places, to be more familiar with them.  They slowly became less and less threatening and then I even began to welcome them.

You see these spikes, and pangs and changes in life and emotions remind me how very much alive I am. How ferociously, recklessly, unabashedly alive-in-progress I am. We all are.  There is a beauty in the growth.  A beautiful design to the flaws that we are made up of.  How wonderful to feel them, and see them, appreciate them, celebrate them, and all of our uniqueness.

If you are suffering and your heart is hurting, don't run from it, lean into that place and create a little map of where you are... next time it won't be such uncharted territory.  Take your time, it is, after all, your time.  Also check out one of my personal favorite blogs, that helped me a ton:

http://blog.yogisanonymous.com/  Ally Hamilton is amazing!

And cheers to our hearts... little bad-asses they are! Y'all just keep on keepin on! #BELOVE

xx - T