Un - learning
My words this year seem to be around UN-learning and Embodiment.
I talk to women everyday, I coach, I’m a friend, I see the struggles, I see them.
Really see them.
I’ve done extensive work on myself, my trauma, I’ve read and listened to hundreds of books and podcasts. I’ve taken courses and master classes.
I advocate for and love therapy. I have coaches and mentors.
But I also fail. I am too hard on myself, I make my needs insignificant, I don’t allow myself to feel, I numb, I react poorly and from a place of a wounded child. I don’t show up for myself even half of what I do for others.
But, I become aware. I get curious and drop in. I ask for help. I rest. I write. I put into practice what I preach.
I turn in and nurture the parts of me that needed it the most. I don’t abandon, I dare myself to stay and then I do. When it feels hard and heavy, I stay. When I feel small, I stay. When my body locks and twists and fights, I stay. When I am scared, I stay.
I stay because under all of the limiting beliefs and poor programming, I know I matter. I know I have purpose. I know I have work to do. This is not vanity, this is taking up the space I deserve to. We are all worthy by merely being.
I am Un-learning the untruths, the darkness that was never mine, the programming I received about who and how and when I should be. The lies told to me and about me.
I am leaning into who I was before the world boxed me in, learning myself, my heart, my voice.
As a coach there is this ego voice that says, “Do it perfectly, or you’re not qualified!” To my ego I say as lovingly as possible, “I know that’s what you have believed for 40 years, I know that it did not come from you, and I know that those you received it from were not qualified or quality enough humans in their own space to cast down on you or to say so. The messy is the living and the living gets messy.”
So here is the truth, I am not perfect, I mess up & fail, I am still learning. I accept now that even failure is a result in this lab of life.
I do not expect more of anyone than exactly who they are, where they are, exactly on their path, and I am learning to grant that same grace to myself. So this is my message to you, and me, you rad beautiful soul; you do matter, and it is okay not to be okay. I know you have been through so much and you are so hard on yourself. It's okay to let go a little. It's perfectly acceptable to just be good enough for today, and any day. Give yourself room to heal, to matter, to come undone, to feel, to rebel and push back, to not conform or make yourself small ever again. I hope this finds you, and I hope you feel all the peace and grace it is filled with. I am sending you all of it!