Okay judgy-mcjudgerson, this one is for you... you've earned it.
PG-13 warning! Shocker! Have you read anything of mine, or know me at all? Well I have a few questions for ya!
Does being provocative create mistreatment? Does being sexy (in someone's opinion) mean I deserve a negative outcome? Does what I wear, or don't, allow someone else to throw negativity, assault, presumption, hate etc., my way? Am I deserving of "what I get" because I expose myself, my skin, my attitude, my feelings?
I recently posted this picture on my IG account @uncontrollably_me
And I found out the answer, from some, is yes... if I put this picture out there, I "better not complain if I end up with a Douche-bag"
Sad. Frustrating. Annoying. I want to scream, "look or don't, just move the eff on if you don't enjoy beauty." Eye rolls.
Now I will admit, that this picture is risque. It provokes the imagination to go in to the place and time, to be in the picture, and imagine what is happening. But I would like to point out that there is nothing showing, that you wouldn't see in a bikini. And I will also add that the setting in which one accepts the picture to be, may in fact not be the reality at all.
Humor me here. Imagine for a second, that I was sick. So sick in fact that I was unable to care for myself. That I had just had surgery and I was being treated, and lets say I wanted to capture the immense pain I was in... the stages of this sickness, the pain and toll it was taking on me as the illness ravaged my body.
Would I still deserve the worst then? Does that change in understanding a situation mean anything different to you?
No, that is not what was happening when this picture was taken. And yes, I absolutely did hashtag it, as "frisky" but where is the sin in that? Does Victoria's Secret not put out adds that are provocative? How about simple perfume companies? Why is there shame in my picture, but these companies profit millions off of the same idea?
I purposefully turned off the comments for this shot, but still, as if the inability to comment wasn't a clear indicator that their comment was not needed, a few found a way. They surpassed the obvious blocking of commenting on the picture, by messaging me privately.
Out of the few, all but one were at least appreciative of the picture. What they said, why they liked it, and what they were after, is irrelevant to me, because I put it out there for me. Not to "find a man", not to "bait anyone" (clearly as I turned off the comments). Not for any other reason, than feeling great about a picture of myself, and a bit of "I do what I want" because I despise being censored. That is the beauty of social media, and blogging right, we can put out in to the world, whatever we want. People's reactions to it, should be irrelevant. And yes, I do have a son who is on social media, so are his friends. However, I have taught him to appreciate beauty, and that anything he does as a result of someone else's actions still defines who he is. My hand to God, if he were to ever talk badly about a woman, to assault a woman verbally or physically, if he ever condemned someone's life... I would be sure he never was capable of doing so again. Of course, I don't think it is an issue, because we live in a no judgement zone, hopefully he continues that in his own life, again, God help him if not... but I am getting off track.
So the one negative reaction I received went:
Him: Don't tell me guys are shitty, when you post stuff like this.
Me: I don't actually. (I state facts, and my perceptions based on experience). Anyway, why is it such a big deal when technically nothing is showing?
Him: I'm not saying it's a big deal, do you. Just don't get upset when you get hurt by some douche-bag ha-ha.
Me: Okay, let me ask you a serious question, are you also the type to think that when a girl is raped, her clothes or level of intoxication matter?
I got no response after that, and I am glad, because generally confrontation with me can lead to hurt feelings. How does my picture justify a man's poor behavior, is there a rule that if a man does something wrong there must be a woman's picture to blame? Damn, I missed the memo. As if me putting a picture of my hip on social media, could determine the man I would accept in to my life, and then end up devastated when I find out he is really a douche-bag, but just because of the original picture. Interesting. But the shoe doesn't fit. Not to say I am always right, or others opinions aren't valued. But, when I believe in something, when it comes to my life, I am very strong minded. I do not make decisions without thinking them through. So if I have decided to post something, or say something, or do something, rest assured I have put thought in to it. I may even have sought the advice of someone. It just so happens your opinion wasn't the one I sought. And if I end up with (another) man that is not good to me, get a jacket because hell is about to freeze over. Just. Saying.
Back to my point, we see skin and nakedness on commercials and magazines, online and on all social media. At what point does someone deserve anything negative for their choices for their life, their body, their existence? The truth is, they do not. A persons bad actions are solely that, THEIR actions, regardless of provocation.
It comes down to judgement, I would like to live in a world where that does not exist, but I was apparently not born in that time. Especially for women, doubly especially for mothers, we are still women, we still have bodies that are beautiful. We have pride and shame, feelings, and acceptance, desires and real lives, we have enough to contend with and your negativity is unnecessary. For me, I say no to judgement. If whatever you are doing is for you, then do more of it. If you are not hurting yourself, or others, then keep doing whatever makes you happy. But please for the love of all things, try and pass on the judgement towards anyone and everyone who lives life differently than you. It really does not look good on you.
Spend that energy on making life better, if not for someone else, then at least for yourself. Harboring that kind of negativity doesn't keep anyone but you, up at night.
Peace, love, light!