Prisons into prisms
“Love turns our prisons into prisms” - Dr. Jeremy Goldberg
I don’t remember me before you.
I can’t recall if I felt safe, or seen. I don’t know if I trusted myself or believed in my worth. I don’t remember what the ignorant bliss of not ever being hurt so so deeply felt like.
And, I don’t want to.
Every hurt, betrayal, pain, abandonment, trauma, and sadness you gave to me, was like a box of darkness. It too became a gift. All of the shatteredness, all of the heartbreak was the price I paid.
In life there is a price and a reward.
The reward of looking back and seeing how far I’ve come.
The reward of loving myself fiercely.
My ability to overcome, to heal, to try, to believe in myself. To rebuild a life out of the depths of hell. A life where I am safe again. Where I am whole and enough.
To see my heart able to love again and the knowledge that I did that.
To have boundaries and growth and a life I love.
I don’t remember me before you, this me, the ocean, vast and powerful, your abuse simply a few destructive waves, during the hurricane of you.
The me still standing, this me living loudly, loving bravely, understanding, accepting, moving, learning, leaning in, staying.
The me getting help and helping others to do the same.
The me now, with this beautiful gift and a light so bright that what was done in the shadows dissolves in its immensity.
The me after you, better than ever.