This is really important.
“The cultural atmosphere of female oppression puts daughters in a “double bind.” Simply put, if a daughter internalizes her mother’s unconscious beliefs (which is some subtle form of “I’m not good enough”) then she has her mother’s approval but has in some way betrayed herself and her potential.
However, if she doesn’t internalize her mother’s unconscious beliefs in her own limitations but rather affirms her own power and potential, she is aware that her mother may unconsciously see this as a personal rejection.
The daughter doesn’t want to risk losing her mother’s love and approval, so internalizing these limiting, unconscious beliefs is a form of loyalty and emotional survival for the daughter.” -Bethany Webster
The Mother/maternal wound matters. So does the paternal one, but that’s another post.
The safe container you need as a child is what creates your feelings of safety, worthiness, wholeness, and is the stuff your beliefs and programmings are made of. What you see is what you learn and accept to be true for yourself. I absolutely believe that most women are well intentioned and can only do the very best they know how, but, that is exactly why it needs to be healed with in you, so you can relearn the ways in which you should be treated, by yourself and others. Shed the limiting beliefs, stop shrinking yourself for someone else’s acceptance, begin to love yourself in a way that may have not been modeled, heal, transform. Give yourself permission to be exactly who you are by giving yourself exactly what you needed.
Be who you needed.