All that the sun shines on is beautiful, so long as it is wild. ~ John Muir
I was recently feeling a little out of control. Partly purposefully. If I just stay busy then what is happening around me can attempt to keep up with all that is bubbling up within me. Distraction. It used to work...kinda.
The result: chaos. In my favorite Dr. Phil voice, "How's this working for ya T?"
I used to be able to juggle life, being a single mom, anxiety, friends, family, my internal mess, work, charity work, dating, and more, all with seamless ease (from the outside anyway). And then I stopped. I didn't just stop, I tripped over something and all the balls I was juggling flew up into the air and landed not so gracefully, one by one on my head.
Plop, bloop, bang, pow!
So I set all of those things out in front of me and took a break for a little bit. Obviously, somethings require constant attention, but I slowed way, way down in all of my doing. I took a look at where I was, what was happening, things that were heavy, things I needed to shed, and how I could grow.
I have learned juggling is not like riding a bike. I cannot re-learn the behaviors of my busyness without it feeling toxic. I understand that is okay, but when I do have a lot going on, it does leave me feeling a little overwhelmed. The balance for me is in really listening to my heart and doing more of whatever sets my soul on fire. Sometimes that is live music with a thousand people, and sometimes it is a no pants party after a long day, in my hammock.
I am still a wild child at heart and a good friend sent me the quote above to remind me that is what is beautiful about me. He helped me feel not so out of control and that who I am, as I am, is uncommonly wonderful, imperfectly perfect.