Soul mates make for a tortured love, they aren't meant for that.
I learned years ago, from the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert that we have the definition of what a soul mate is, all wrong. More specifically Richard from Texas says,
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it….[they] shake you up…tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you [have] to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it.”
Shortly after I read this, the following flowed out of me for him, my soulmate, everything making so much more sense, at least to me.
There is something about us, that will never fade or wane. I believe it has been there all along, it's just that we haven't ever figured out how to best deal with it, with its depths, together. I know there is love, I think I have always loved you but that is the simple part, there is more. Something that is so consuming it can and will connect us even when we try to disconnect ourselves. But, that kind of consuming can take us down further than we would survive.
We both have our ways of dealing with it to make it work better for us as individuals but I am not sure we have ever been on the same page at the same time. I believe that is by design of how soul mates should work. Sometimes when I least expect it there is a lowering of your wall, a vulnerability to me, a slight doorway in. For myself, there have been times when I have wanted nothing more than you, for you to let me in. And then in other times, I have been so far in with you that to return to life seems devastating. To leave those moments has never gotten easier, however fleeting they are. But then, there too is a normalcy and peace I can only find there. There is a constant connection that makes you part of my life even without you there.
Without you near, though, it is easier to maintain the balance of ourselves. When our souls intertwine so deeply we can see no begin or end to the other we also lose pieces of who we are. You shake me to my core. You show me more of life, a side I wouldn't have reached on my own. With you, the levels of consciousness are never ending but it takes a certain strength to approach them with all of their information and knowledge. The painful truths that exist in humanity are only softened by the light of its beauty. Staying there, on those levels would kill us. That kind of unrelenting raw reality would be too painful, inescapable. Unable to come up for air these physical bodies would fail.
You, my soul mate, see me more clearly than anyone ever has. You look upon me the way anyone would crave to be seen, you know me more deeply and intimately than anyone has.
Feeling beautiful is: to be known and accepted unaltered and remain this perfect specimen in your eyes. Only there I can stay, in your eyes, your mind, your soul.
P.S. This post is in no way suggesting you shouldn't have a soul connection with your partner, that there is only ever one soul mate, or that they even have to ever be a romantic relationship. I may dig into those next time...